


Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

by d2fmeasurement



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5614132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d2fmeasurement/pseuds/d2fmeasurement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gilfoyle is dead and Dinesh is sad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

A lot of people probably turn to religion after they’ve lost someone important. It’s probably more unusual for someone who’s lost someone to end up in a tacky, creepy Satanist ceremony. But when the person you’re grieving is Bertram Gilfoyle, that’s where you end up.

Dinesh had gone to several Satanist ceremonies and he never felt like he was getting anything out of it. It was just weird people he never wanted to see again, creepy chants and fried foods that he shouldn’t be eating but always did. But, he kept going back because he knew it meant something to Gilfoyle. Gilfoyle had found something here so Dinesh kept showing up, hoping to feel it too.

After yet another ceremony where he felt nothing, Dinesh was helping himself to his third bagel. A woman walked up to him and said, “Hey, I think I’ve seen you here a few times I’m Marcie.”

“Dinesh,” he said.

“You always seem so sad,” Marcie told him. She leaned in and said, “I could make you feel better.”

He set his bagel down and said, “Yeah. Yes. Okay.”

 

Having sex with a random girl in a parking lot felt amazing, although Dinesh wasn’t sure how much of that was because he kept thinking about how proud of him Gilfoyle would be. He tried to push that thought aside since it felt rude to think about a dead guy while he was having sex with a lady.

Afterwards, Marcie curled up against Dinesh in the backseat of her car. “How long have you been walking the left hand path?” she asked.

“Oh, um, never,” he said. “I don’t know. My husband was and he’s...dead...so, I’ve been showing up here.”

To Marcie’s credit, she didn’t seem at all thrown off to find out the man she’d just had sex with had been married to a man, or that this man was dead. She just frowned sympathetically and asked, “Did he live here? Would I know him?”

“Um, Bertram Gilfoyle,” Dinesh said.

“Oh, I’ve fucked him!” she said. She smiled at Dinesh. He smiled back a little, then noticed that she was starting to tear up. “He was nice,” she said in a shaky voice.

Since Gilfoyle died, many people had told Dinesh how nice he was and what a great guy he was and it had all been bullshit. But, he was sure this woman meant it. She kept smiling at him, with her lip trembling a little, and Dinesh had this strange feeling of being with someone who could understand. “So I’m going to go,” he said as he started pulling his pants up.

 

When Dinesh got home, he drank a bottle of wine and watched Battlestar Galactica for a while before he decided to call Carla. When she came over, he immediately asked if she’d brought any pot.

As Carla took it out, he said, “You know, you’re giving me a very judgmental look right now.”

“No, I’m not,” she said. “Maybe I’m just thinking about how a grown man doesn’t know how to get his own weed and has to bug me for it all the time. You know, fourteen-year-olds know how to get weed for themselves.”

Dinesh rolled his eyes and ignored her as he started smoking.

“You know, you’ve wanted to get high all the time for the past two years,” she said.

“Yeah I wonder what events in my life could’ve possibly triggered that change,” Dinesh said sarcastically.

Carla glared at him and said, “I’m not saying I don’t get it, I’m just saying this isn’t the real you. You’re the guy who always made me and Gilfoyle smoke outside so your precious house wouldn’t smell.”

“I like the smell,” he said. “It smells like Gilfoyle.”

Carla looked at him sadly and said, “I miss him too.”

They sat in silence for a while before Dinesh said, “You know when people say someone is the love of their life? I always feel like that’s such bullshit considering there are billions of people on the planet. But...I don’t know. I don’t feel like I have the ability to connect to other humans. Not just romantically, but at all. It took an embarrassingly long time before Gilfoyle and just...I don’t know, I think he might’ve been the one person who was able to trick me into opening up and I’ll just never have that again.”

“I don’t want to alarm you but you’re opening up to me right now,” Carla said. She gave him a little smile.

Dinesh grabbed her hand and squeezed it hard.


End file.
